Hugging the Midline

Sunny Day, Sweepin' the Clouds Away

Nothing to complain about today:

6. Another windfall showed up in the morning mail, enough to cover the cost of the new tires and keep things even until Glen's commission checks catch up again. I'm taking credit since I'm the one who mentioned to the universe that we were open to receiving another windfall. I won't disclose the source of the money, but Glen thinks he helped the universe along a bit in this instance. Regardless, I'm extremely grateful to our generous earthly benefactor as well as to anyone in the celestial realm who may have put in a good word for us. We've been stressing a bit about money around here, and I'm reminded that I need to keep our temporarily limited cash flow (and all of the other non-life-threatening issues that I'm known to stress over) in perspective. Especially since these things tend to work themselves out on their own, whether or not I bite my nails down to the quick in the meantime.
7. Sesame Street is about the coolest show on TV. It provides Jack with so many hours of entertainment, it's educational for him, it's more palatable to big people than most other kids' shows I can think of, and it's the only way I was able to spend a few productive minutes in front of my computer today. At 20 months old, Jack still sometimes refers to Glen or the babysitter as "Nonny!" (mommy) or himself as "Dada!". But he never fails to identify his favorite character, "Go-go!" (Grover), or his other Sesame Street friends. Glen and I both grew up on Sesame Street and have been having a great time rediscovering it with Jack. Here's a fun old-school Grover montage we've been watching incessantly the last few days.

8. Tonight at bedtime when I kissed Jack and told him I loved him, he responded for the first time with "I wow oo," the sweetest words I've ever heard.

Effortless

Although I've been doing yoga for years, I could never get my heels to the mat in downward dog. I used to blame that on my tight hamstrings, but after studying with Joetta for a couple months and being constantly reminded to "puff my kidneys" — a principle of Anusara yoga that basically means to engage my abdominals, pull my waist back, and breathe into the back of my body — I now get my heels to the mat every time.

So many things I learn in yoga are good life lessons, too. Because my hamstrings tend to be tight, and because I had struggled with downward dog in the past, I had the mindset for years that getting my heels to the mat was impossible for me. But it turns out that with a minor adjustment, something that used to seem impossible can become effortless.

My son Jack seems to have been born with the skill it took me 37 years to learn. He's been doing perfect downward dogs all of his life.

Reasons to be Cheerful

My second post listed two things I'm grateful for. I'm going to add to that list today, starting with number 3, and plan to keep it going that way in subsequent posts so I have a running gratitude list:

3. I love the internet. When I graduated from college, the internet was hardly more than a twinkle in Al Gore's eye and certainly wasn't on my radar yet. Now just a few short years later I can buy anything, research anything, communicate with people around the world, even find sweet lovin' (I met my hubby on friendster.com; my sister met her boyfriend there, too). When I decided that I wanted to start today's list at #3 and couldn't remember how, all I had to do was Google html ordered list start other than one, and two minutes later I was coding this post.
   
4. I'm excited to have finally thought of a name for my blog. In yoga, hugging the midline refers to physically drawing to the center. For me it also means trying to stay true to my values and keeping all aspects of my life in balance. I'd been searching for a blog name that a) has personal meaning, b) is interesting, and c) isn't already taken. I'm happy with what I've come up with.
   
5. My yoga teacher, Joetta, has agreed to start teaching again. When I moved to Fairfield from Des Moines a couple years ago, I left behind a great yoga studio, Yoga on 5th. After trying a variety of teachers in town, I was thrilled to find Joetta, but then after I had studied with her for a few months, she decided to take a little break from teaching. She's starting our class again next week, just four or five people at her home. In the last couple months I've continued to do some stretching every night, and I've gotten out my mat a few times in my living room, but I've missed practicing with a committed group of people and an inspired teacher. I can't wait to get back to it.

Don't Advertise Your Man

After reading my first two posts, Glen said he was a little embarrassed about all of the nice stuff I wrote about him. He accused me of false advertising, but it's 100% true. In fact, as this is a family website, I left out half of the great stuff I could have included.

Some college friends used to like the Bonnie Raitt and Sippy Wallace song Don't Advertise Your Man:

Women be wise, keep your mouth shut, don't advertise your man
Don't sit around, girl, telling all your secrets, telling all those good things he really can do
If you talk about your baby, you tell me he's so fine
Lord honey, I just might sneak up and try to make him mine

In the interest of not making my sweetie sound too good, I will share one fact about Glen that his daughter Jo and I find equally annoying: When we sit down in front of the TV, ready to relax with a nice DVD, he insists on watching the deleted scenes before watching the movie, going against at least half a dozen known laws of nature.

Something So Strong

When I started this blog (yesterday!), my intent was to focus on the positive, those things I'm really grateful for in my life. But that was before I found out how much my new tires are going to cost. When I had my little road-hazard run-in yesterday, it only destroyed one tire, but it turns out that because my other three tires are worn, and my car is all-wheel drive, I need to replace all four tires. That's $488. Right before Christmas.

Glen started a new job a couple months ago. Because he's a corporate recruiter who's paid on commission, it will take a while for our cash flow to get back to where it was with his old job (and eventually it should be better than before). The last couple months we've had small windfalls come our way to even things out and keep us in the black. A few days ago I told Glen I was going to put an intention out to the universe that we're willing to receive another windfall this month. The next day we got a letter from our bank telling us that because our home's assessed value just went up, next year's mortgage payment is going to be about $80(!) higher every month. Then today the news about the tires. Glen (who doesn't really believe in this stuff, but humors me pretty well) says I must have said my intention backwards.

I know people who are really good at saying things like "trust in the universe" and "everything happens for a reason". I try to be so spiritually inclined, but it doesn't always come easy to me.

I had a great spiritual mentor when I lived in Des Moines. Every time someone gives her money, she says "blessings on this as it goes out into the universe; may it come back to you tenfold." I wish I felt more natural (less silly) saying things like that; I don't want to let fear hold me back (and I want to be a role model in that direction for my kids), so I'm working on it.

I do find that positive, optimistic, spiritually focused people seem to have a better quality of life than the negative, pessimistic, grouchy-grumpy types. I know that my quality of life tends to be better when I focus on the former and avoid the latter.

So, despite the whining at the beginning of this post, I'm going to finish with a couple things I'm grateful for:

1. My 20-month-old son Jack gives the sweetest little kisses and hugs. I'm so grateful for him. Although I've wanted a child for years, it took me a while to find the perfect baby-daddy. Because I waited so long for them, not a day goes by that I don't thank God for sending this wonderful family my way (Glen, Jack, and Glen's daughter Jo). Although I wouldn't mind a bit more money in my bank account, I am blessed to have hit the multi-million dollar jackpot in the family department.
   
   
2. Yesterday was our two-year wedding anniversary. Glen made me a really nice CD with romantic stuff from old-school groups like the Police and Crowded House. Listening to it was a great distraction while I waited for the flat tire man for an hour yesterday. Last night before bed we got out our wedding scrapbook and re-read our vows. In addition to lifelong love and faithfulness, he renewed his promise to not get fat or bald, and I renewed mine to enthusiastically listen to his astonishingly large storehouse of Marx Brothers and Beatles trivia. So far we've done a pretty good job at keeping those vows, and have had more great times together than I can count. I've had a lot of drama and heartache in previous relationships and I can't say enough about how much a nice, stable, warm, easy, comfy-cozy relationship (not to mention a husband who's sooo easy on the eyes...) does for my quality of life.

Surfacing

This morning when I was heading to work along Highway 63, several cement whooziwhatzits dropped off the back of a truck and I drove over one of them, shredding my right front tire.

While I waited for the guy to come change my tire (thank God for Better World Club, our AAA alternative), I had an hour or so to kill. Luckily I wasn't injured in my little accident and the only damage to my car was the ruined tire. But it scared me enough to get my mind going, to remind me how easy it is to get thrown off track, how precious each day is when we're not guaranteed a tomorrow.

Several years ago I read the book Conscious Loving by Gay Hendricks, and one idea really stuck with me. Hendricks says there are certain lessons we each need to learn, that the universe is determined to teach us one way or another. (I promise not to throw the word "universe" aroud this venue too much...) He says it's up to us whether we choose to be conscious in our lives and pay attention to the gentle lessons that come our way, or whether the universe is forced to teach us lessons the hard way. I don't remember if the book uses this particular word, but I think of the hard route to life's lessons as the "sledgehammer approach". I've had to learn one or two lessons that way, so ever since reading that book I try to be conscious enough in my life that my lessons will come to me in a fairly gentle manner.

Maybe it's not quite accurate to think of slamming my poor little Honda into a block of cement as a "gentle" lesson, but it sure could have been worse.

While I was waiting for my tire-changing angel to arrive this morning, I started thinking that maybe this little accident would serve as my gentle reminder to get back to something that's important to me, but that I've been avoiding for a while — writing. I do a smidge of writing for my job managing web content; I've done some freelance magazine writing; and I wrote in a journal almost every day from the ages of 10 to 34.

When I was 34, I met my sweetie, Glen, and in short order I moved to be with him in Fairfield, we got hitched and had a baby, and now we're living this sweet, happy, comfy-cozy family life. I've journaled less since I've had a family because: 1) I guess I tend to journal more when I'm depressed or mad, feelings I haven't had a lot of need for in recent years. 2) Being mom to a toddler keeps me busy! 3) How can I get up early to write when I have a warm hubby I could snuggle with instead? 4) How can I sit at the computer after Jack's in bed when Glen has The Office on the DVR and a spiked mug of hot chocolate ready to go?

But I do miss writing for myself. I've wanted to do some writing that's more personal than corporate web content or magazine journalism, but more structured than scribbling in a journal. I've rarely written anything personal in a public forum, and I'm slightly apprehensive about it, but I'm going to give it a shot. I think it will be good for me, and maybe there's something from my personal experience that readers can appreciate.