Not long ago a friend commented that she relates most to my blog when I seem a little off. Well, Renee must be LOVING this place the last couple months, because "off" has been rearing its little head more often than not around here.
I just realized that it has been six months (SIX MONTHS!) since I added to my gratitude list. That needs to be corrected. I've been so busy lately, which I know I've been saying pretty much non-stop for the last six months. I'm the kind of girl who likes my downtime, and when it's in short supply, I can start to bristle here and there. I guess it's when I feel like I have to be "on" every second of the day that I start to feel "off" inside. I've felt too busy to blog. Too busy to stop for five minutes and remind myself of the many reasons I have to be grateful.
But I know that when I DO take those few moments every day, I feel about a zillion times better. So I'm just going to go for it. GratefulMo 3 is in order, don't you think? Thirty days of gratitude to whip me into shape. I know you'll forgive me if my postings are a little rushed, maybe not always Pulitzer Prize material, maybe not even spell-checked, but heartfelt, for sure, and desperately needed.
Let's see if we can drum up five reasons to be grateful tonight:
I'm not always one of those people who says: "everything happens for a reason," but it's a nice idea, isn't it? I like to think there's some grand purpose, and a universe lining itself up to make sure that purpose is realized.
These days I feel like I'm plenty busy, really I do. Between leading a big project for my day job, working with Glen to open our new store (details to come soon), and trying to make sure "Mom" is still my number one job, there's not much room on my dance card. I've been proud that with the amount of time Glen and I are both working and the amount of stress we're both feeling, there's still some semblance of balance in our lives: I'm exercising almost every day, we actually sit down at the table together most nights, and Jack gets some quality time with his parents every evening.
My work project ends in about four months, the store will open in less than (gulp) one month. Lately I've been giving myself lots of pep talks: I can do this, I can do this. I can get through this intense period of hard work. As long as, you know, nothing ELSE gets piled on the proverbial plate.
So after a certain letter arrived in the mail a few days ago, I have to wonder: Is this some sort of sign? Am I supposed to be learning something here? Or am I just the recipient of an early April Fools joke from the universal trickster?
In an e-mail conversation with my friends Dave and Brian today, Dave was being his usual curmudgeonly self when Brian said, "To quote Missy's blog, you have a case of the crabbies!"
Oh God, is that a direct quote? Do I really talk like that? Mostly on the blog, I think.
Makes me think about the persona I portray here, which might skew a bit toward my Pollyana side. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I do have other sides. Sometimes I think this space is a pretty good representation of my life; other times it feels like barely a slice of a slice of who I am, especially these days when my brain is kind of consumed by my work, and I've chosen to keep this blog a mostly work-free zone.
On second thought, "a case of the crabbies" could sound quite sophisticated in the right context. It was just Brian's filter that made the quote sound capital D Dorkwad. Let's go with that.
Our four-day New Year's weekend is winding down, and I'm feeling pretty much human again. This is a common theme of my blog, isn't it. First a post in which I stomp and pout and scream and beg to be delivered from my out-of-control existence. A bit more pouting...a bit more whining...and then soon the report that things are blissfully back in balance again.
I'm still not necessarily blissed out, but much better. Work is going to be busy for me over the next few months. I'm excited about the project I'm working on, and need to continue to find ways to give my best to my work without my family or my sanity suffering as a result.
Is that possible? I guess it's time to find out how much "best" I have within me.
A few things I did this weekend to fill the well in anticipation of a demanding work week ahead of me:
And now, Happy New Year from Jack. A little blurry, I know, but what Mommy lacks in photography skills, I'd say Jackie makes up for with enthusiasm, for sure.
Jo spent the night at a friend's house; Jack had an overnight at his normal daycare provider's place, and believe me he didn't miss us a bit. He was begging me for days to let him attend, and when I asked if I could go, too, he said: "No, it's my special party!"
Glen and I hit a party for a bit, then went on to Vivo's, normally a quiet little bar that became a wall-to-wall DJ fest on New Year's Eve. I'm reminded how good looking and well dressed my local townspeople are. We even tried a few sips of Dom Perignon from our neighbor's glass; do most small-town Iowa bars have $130 bottles of champagne in stock?
Funny, when I started this blog about a year ago I planned to write primarily about how I keep my life in balance. Haha. Hahahahaha, that's a good one. I am not feeling particularly balanced at the moment. I am afflicted by a touch of the crazies and a smidge of the crabbies. I am working too much. I am stressing too much. I am getting hooked needlessly by too many little dramas. It's possible that Jack thinks my work laptop is just another one of Mommy's appendages, because it seems to be by my side most of the time these days.
Something's gotta give. This is not the first time I've written such a post, come back to this little touchstone and admitted that I'm feeling like a bit of a wreck. And that's always a good start, right? Admitting out loud that I'm OUT! OF! BALANCE! is usually the first step to getting back to where I want to be.
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Luckily Jack continues to keep me laughing. Even with the occasional moment of terrible two-ness, he is the light of my little life, and being around him reminds me I don't have lots of room to complain.
A few gems from this evening:
This morning we baked chocolate chip cookies (from a tube!) and watched the Wizard of Oz with the kids. We had been hatching this plan with Jack for a few days, and he announced it to everyone he came across: "My sister Jo coming! We make chowcate chip cookies! We watch fow Wizawd fow Oz!"
It turned out to be as nice for all of us as Jack had predicted. Snuggling up on the couch with a pile of blankets. Spoiling our lunch with too many cookies. Laughing over Jack's assessments of the various characters and plot-twists. Appreciating a nice lazy Saturday morning together.
It made me think of all the times we've gone places like amusement parks or zoos that were supposed to be capital "F" FUN or tried to cram too many activities into one day, and everyone ended up too hot or cold, arguments or meltdowns or general crabbiness (as often from Mom as anyone else) ensued, we spent a ton of money, ate a ton of corndogs and other crap, and really didn't enjoy ourselves much.
Not that I'm advocating a couch potato/junk food lifestyle, of course. I'm the type of mom who generally puts strict limits on the amount of TV and cookies allowed, which is probably why this morning's decadance was such a treat.
I'm sure we'll still cook up capital "F" fun from time to time, but I'm reminded that, for us, the simple, low-key, low-stress together-times are often the best.
I finally did it: I quit drinking pop for real. It's been about three weeks since my last Diet Pepsi and I'm feeling so much better. Man, that was a hard one for me. Long early-morning drives are usually the biggest tempation, but I've made it through three drives in the last week without my vice, so I know I've quit for real.
I'm grateful for the things that motivated me to quit, and the benefits I've realized now that I'm here:
What was I thinking drinking that crap for so long? Hindsight is 20/20, but when you finally stop a bad habit, it's amazing how obvious the choice seems. Yay me!
