Hugging the Midline

Grateful for New Beginnings

235. I'm grateful for new beginnings:
     
     
     • A return to yoga class this week after a few weeks' break let me approach my practice with a beginner's mind (and body -- hello hamstrings!). That fresh perspective always helps me discover something new.
       
       
     • Chickadee's one-month anniversary was this week! We've worked so many kinks out, my "what-have-we-gotten-ourselves-into" meltdowns are lessening by the week, our sales are increasing by the week, we're really enjoying meeting new people, and we think we've made a great addition to our community.
       
       
     • I'm flying high over my visit yesterday to the beautiful Waldorf preschool that I hope J can attend in the fall. He's starting to get the hang of this potty training thing (hooray!), so I think it might happen.
       
       
     • The spring growth and spring walks and flung-open windows make me just so so so happy to be alive. And J is really turning into a little gardener: "Look mommy -- flowers! We need to water them to help them grow and grow!"
       
       
     • We're ready to head out to our first farmer's market of the season in a few minutes.
       
       
     • I wrote my first piece for a new collaborative Fairfield blog that I think is just about the coolest thing ever. Thanks for the opportunity, Will!

GratefulMo 3: Back Where He Belongs

229. I'm grateful that our little punkin is home safe tonight: "Mommy, did you know? You're the best Mommy I EVER had." And grateful that my dad drove Jack all the way home instead of meeting me halfway, giving me and Glen a couple extra hours of work time tonight.

GratefulMo 3: I Need This

Not long ago a friend commented that she relates most to my blog when I seem a little off. Well, Renee must be LOVING this place the last couple months, because "off" has been rearing its little head more often than not around here.

I just realized that it has been six months (SIX MONTHS!) since I added to my gratitude list. That needs to be corrected. I've been so busy lately, which I know I've been saying pretty much non-stop for the last six months. I'm the kind of girl who likes my downtime, and when it's in short supply, I can start to bristle here and there. I guess it's when I feel like I have to be "on" every second of the day that I start to feel "off" inside. I've felt too busy to blog. Too busy to stop for five minutes and remind myself of the many reasons I have to be grateful.

But I know that when I DO take those few moments every day, I feel about a zillion times better. So I'm just going to go for it. GratefulMo 3 is in order, don't you think? Thirty days of gratitude to whip me into shape. I know you'll forgive me if my postings are a little rushed, maybe not always Pulitzer Prize material, maybe not even spell-checked, but heartfelt, for sure, and desperately needed.

Let's see if we can drum up five reasons to be grateful tonight:

222. I'm grateful that MY JURY DUTY WAS DEFERRED!
     
     
223. I'm grateful for the opportunities I've been given lately to learn and change and grow. Sometimes the way I go on and on, you would think I'm about to have a couple limbs amputated, for God's sake. Nope, just working really hard. And getting the PRIVILEGE to expand my career in exciting directions. Which will probably not kill me. Which is probably good for me when you get right down to it.
     
     Leading this project at work that is stretching me out of my comfort zone just a bit. Working with Glen to open this new business, which stretches me out of my comfort zone even a little bit more.
     
     It's good to learn how much strength I have within me, to push myself further and do more than I knew I could, to impress myself once in a while. It's good to learn where my limits are, when I need to ask for help, and when I need to ease up just a little bit. It's good to remember that I'm not perfect, to have the courage to say I'm sorry. Again. 
     
     
224. I'm grateful for the ease with which things have fallen into place to allow us to start our shop. The storefront immediately available in the perfect spot on our beloved town square. The trusted carpenter immediately available to renovate the space. The single e-mail that has resulted in enough beautiful merchandise to fill the shop and then some. The support and help from family and friends, especially from my dad who has now made four (or more?) six-hour round trips to come paint and polish and transport signs and serve as general moral support. The financial pieces that have lined up with almost eerily perfect precision to make this possible. Not that we're not WORKING HARD and encountering mini-obstacles, mind you, but overall this has the feeling of meant to be.
     
     
225. I'm grateful for my son's first smile of the morning. When he comes running into our room and climbs into our bed with a book for me to read, sunshine smile spreading across his happy little face, morning squeezes all around, nothing could feel better. I've never been a morning person, but those smiles are worth waking up for.
     
     
226. I'm equally grateful for Jack's bedtime routine, morning and evening quiet times the sweet bookends to our days often spent too long apart. Bath, PJs, books, cuddling. Graduating now from baby songs to Beatles songs, he can tell if I get the lyrics wrong, and he actually thinks I'm a great singer. Tonight when he thew his arm across me and asked me to cuddle "just a wittle bit more," I had a moment of thinking I couldn't feel happier.

Cutie Patootie

I know my posts consist more lately of "how cute is this kid?" pics than of actual substantive thought. But I mean, really. How freaking cute is this kid?

Spent

Here's our little punkin who will be three on Monday, asleep on the couch at 7:30PM after a long weekend of birthday partying. Crazy about that kid.

You Can't Make This Stuff Up

Gramma Carol: "I'm going to an Oscar party Sunday night."

Jack: "Gramma's going to dress up like a grouch?"

Things I'm Not Going to Write About

Lots of activity in our world:

• Glen was laid off from his job a week ago, landing the economic crisis right on our doorstep.
• He has decided he's had enough of working for the man, so we're starting a business.
• My job continues to be intense.
• Jack is especially clingy lately, wanting his mommy all the time, and is also very tantrum-y when things don't go his way.

All of this has left me feeling a bit depleted and and at a loss for words. Every time I try to put two sentences together, I can't seem to find the words that quite convey how wound up my mind and gut are feeling.

So, instead, some pictures, taken with my fancy new Valentine's Day camera (purchased before the recent belt tightening). No red eye! Less blur on the action shots!

I'm sure I will have lots to report soon when my thoughts become clearer. I think I'll head out for a walk now to see if I can help them do that.

Worth It

That son of mine. You know my little monkey, the one with the Gerber-baby cheeks, the sweet-angel laugh, the hugs and kisses and "pwease cuddle wif me mommy, pwease read me a stowy." That one. Oy.

The last few days we've been kind of holding our breaths, because we can go from "pwease I have an eskimo kiss, mommy?" one second to the next second this strange little dictator devil-boy with full-blown tantrums that could wake the freaking dead.

There's lots of practicing of patience for the adults in this household, taking of deep breaths, emergency reading of parenting manuals and practicing the recommended techniques with questionable results, lots of consuming of great quantities of liquor (well, really only small quantities so far, but we're keeping our options way open). 

Of course, I'm questioning whether I'm the one who triggered this sudden personality change. I've been working five days a week lately instead of my usual four. I've been really focusing on spending more quality time with Jack lately, but is he noticing the absence of our special Mommy-Jack days on Fridays these last couple weeks? Or is the timing sheer coincidence?

I don't have the answers today, but I'm reminded that parenting is HARD WORK. That's about all I've got. Plus some recent pics to remind me why it's worth it.

Touched

The other day I was going through some photos and noticed that I've amassed a little collection of pictures of Jack's hands. I didn't set out to take so many pictures of his hands, but now that I've done so I think I'll keep it up. These are so precious to me, to see his chubby little fists gripping a crayon or a tool, hard at work.

I came across a lovely blog post about a dad falling in love with his new baby. He captures so well how I feel about my little guy, and these pictures, with the words: "To be touched so deeply by a hand so light." 

Here are a few of my treasures:

It's proof of my great restraint that my hello kitty purchase was a coloring book instead of barrettes.

Making cookies with his big sister.

I made him these heart-shaped crayons from old crayon stubs in a rare crafty moment. (I like to turn off the flash to avoid the glare, but then I get the blurred action shots.)

Helping daddy build his new table.

My favorite.

The Best

Our four-day New Year's weekend is winding down, and I'm feeling pretty much human again. This is a common theme of my blog, isn't it. First a post in which I stomp and pout and scream and beg to be delivered from my out-of-control existence. A bit more pouting...a bit more whining...and then soon the report that things are blissfully back in balance again.

I'm still not necessarily blissed out, but much better. Work is going to be busy for me over the next few months. I'm excited about the project I'm working on, and need to continue to find ways to give my best to my work without my family or my sanity suffering as a result.

Is that possible? I guess it's time to find out how much "best" I have within me.  

A few things I did this weekend to fill the well in anticipation of a demanding work week ahead of me:

• New Year's Eve date with my honey - This was our first night out without kids in Fairfield. We've had plenty of date nights, but since we don't have family in town, in the past we've always hit the road and brought the kids to my parents. It was so nice to go out without having to travel first.
  
  Jo spent the night at a friend's house; Jack had an overnight at his normal daycare provider's place, and believe me he didn't miss us a bit. He was begging me for days to let him attend, and when I asked if I could go, too, he said: "No, it's my special party!"
  
  Glen and I hit a party for a bit, then went on to Vivo's, normally a quiet little bar that became a wall-to-wall DJ fest on New Year's Eve. I'm reminded how good looking and well dressed my local townspeople are. We even tried a few sips of Dom Perignon from our neighbor's glass; do most small-town Iowa bars have $130 bottles of champagne in stock?
  
  
• Lots of yoga - This year again I joined WoYoPracMo and have pledged to practice yoga every day in January. So far so good. I even tried yoga on the Wii Fit Glen gave me for Christmas and was labeled a yoga novice at tree pose. Bastard! Um, that applies to the machine, of course, not the person who gave it to me!
  
  
• Planning ahead at home - I actually planned our meals for the week and bought groceries to make them.
  
  
• Planning ahead for work - In some respects it seems a little crazy that someone on work overload would spend Jack's nap time today working, but lately I've felt like I've had my head down focused on the task right in front of me, never sure what I need to do next. After a couple hours spent organizing today, I have a good sense of what I need to tackle in the weeks ahead, and where I might need some help. Feels good.
  
  
• Wrapping up, looking ahead - Yesterday I took a couple hours to write in my journal, taking stock of 2008 and dreaming some dreams for 2009. This process always leaves me feeling so centered. I won't bore you with too much of my personal resolutioning, but I thought I'd share a couple other blog posts on New Year's resolutions that really spoke to me this year -- this on balance and this on fun.  
  
  
• Plenty of cuddling and blocks and play-dough and movies on the couch. Lots of: "I LOVE you, Mommy! We LOVE each other!" Makes everything else worth while, don't you think?

And now, Happy New Year from Jack. A little blurry, I know, but what Mommy lacks in photography skills, I'd say Jackie makes up for with enthusiasm, for sure.