Hugging the Midline

GratefulMo 3: Freedom!

234. I'm grateful that as of today there are NO CONSIGNMENT ITEMS LEFT IN OUR HOUSE. This is after about two months of boxes and bags full of hundreds, maybe thousands, of picture books  and wooden puzzles and Bumbo seats and miniature Nikes and sweet little ladybug coats and darling little Curious George tank tops filling just about every spare nook and cranny of just about every room of our house. Every last item is now on its proper shelf in the shop (or better yet on to the new home of someone who will appreciate it).
     
     I am the type of person whose throat starts to close up a little when my house is especially cluttered, so these have been a tough last couple of months for me. I'm so glad they're over!

GratefulMo 3: We Did It!

231. I'm grateful that our shop opened today with no major mishaps, grateful that I have a couple days off from my other job to help Glen out, and grateful to all the people who stopped by today to say hi.
     
     
     
     
     

Cutie Patootie

I know my posts consist more lately of "how cute is this kid?" pics than of actual substantive thought. But I mean, really. How freaking cute is this kid?

Spent

Here's our little punkin who will be three on Monday, asleep on the couch at 7:30PM after a long weekend of birthday partying. Crazy about that kid.

Watch for Signs

I'm not always one of those people who says: "everything happens for a reason," but it's a nice idea, isn't it? I like to think there's some grand purpose, and a universe lining itself up to make sure that purpose is realized.

These days I feel like I'm plenty busy, really I do. Between leading a big project for my day job, working with Glen to open our new store (details to come soon), and trying to make sure "Mom" is still my number one job, there's not much room on my dance card. I've been proud that with the amount of time Glen and I are both working and the amount of stress we're both feeling, there's still some semblance of balance in our lives: I'm exercising almost every day, we actually sit down at the table together most nights, and Jack gets some quality time with his parents every evening. 

My work project ends in about four months, the store will open in less than (gulp) one month. Lately I've been giving myself lots of pep talks: I can do this, I can do this. I can get through this intense period of hard work. As long as, you know, nothing ELSE gets piled on the proverbial plate.

So after a certain letter arrived in the mail a few days ago, I have to wonder: Is this some sort of sign? Am I supposed to be learning something here? Or am I just the recipient of an early April Fools joke from the universal trickster?

Things I'm Not Going to Write About

Lots of activity in our world:

• Glen was laid off from his job a week ago, landing the economic crisis right on our doorstep.
• He has decided he's had enough of working for the man, so we're starting a business.
• My job continues to be intense.
• Jack is especially clingy lately, wanting his mommy all the time, and is also very tantrum-y when things don't go his way.

All of this has left me feeling a bit depleted and and at a loss for words. Every time I try to put two sentences together, I can't seem to find the words that quite convey how wound up my mind and gut are feeling.

So, instead, some pictures, taken with my fancy new Valentine's Day camera (purchased before the recent belt tightening). No red eye! Less blur on the action shots!

I'm sure I will have lots to report soon when my thoughts become clearer. I think I'll head out for a walk now to see if I can help them do that.

Worth It

That son of mine. You know my little monkey, the one with the Gerber-baby cheeks, the sweet-angel laugh, the hugs and kisses and "pwease cuddle wif me mommy, pwease read me a stowy." That one. Oy.

The last few days we've been kind of holding our breaths, because we can go from "pwease I have an eskimo kiss, mommy?" one second to the next second this strange little dictator devil-boy with full-blown tantrums that could wake the freaking dead.

There's lots of practicing of patience for the adults in this household, taking of deep breaths, emergency reading of parenting manuals and practicing the recommended techniques with questionable results, lots of consuming of great quantities of liquor (well, really only small quantities so far, but we're keeping our options way open). 

Of course, I'm questioning whether I'm the one who triggered this sudden personality change. I've been working five days a week lately instead of my usual four. I've been really focusing on spending more quality time with Jack lately, but is he noticing the absence of our special Mommy-Jack days on Fridays these last couple weeks? Or is the timing sheer coincidence?

I don't have the answers today, but I'm reminded that parenting is HARD WORK. That's about all I've got. Plus some recent pics to remind me why it's worth it.

Touched

The other day I was going through some photos and noticed that I've amassed a little collection of pictures of Jack's hands. I didn't set out to take so many pictures of his hands, but now that I've done so I think I'll keep it up. These are so precious to me, to see his chubby little fists gripping a crayon or a tool, hard at work.

I came across a lovely blog post about a dad falling in love with his new baby. He captures so well how I feel about my little guy, and these pictures, with the words: "To be touched so deeply by a hand so light." 

Here are a few of my treasures:

It's proof of my great restraint that my hello kitty purchase was a coloring book instead of barrettes.

Making cookies with his big sister.

I made him these heart-shaped crayons from old crayon stubs in a rare crafty moment. (I like to turn off the flash to avoid the glare, but then I get the blurred action shots.)

Helping daddy build his new table.

My favorite.

The Best

Our four-day New Year's weekend is winding down, and I'm feeling pretty much human again. This is a common theme of my blog, isn't it. First a post in which I stomp and pout and scream and beg to be delivered from my out-of-control existence. A bit more pouting...a bit more whining...and then soon the report that things are blissfully back in balance again.

I'm still not necessarily blissed out, but much better. Work is going to be busy for me over the next few months. I'm excited about the project I'm working on, and need to continue to find ways to give my best to my work without my family or my sanity suffering as a result.

Is that possible? I guess it's time to find out how much "best" I have within me.  

A few things I did this weekend to fill the well in anticipation of a demanding work week ahead of me:

• New Year's Eve date with my honey - This was our first night out without kids in Fairfield. We've had plenty of date nights, but since we don't have family in town, in the past we've always hit the road and brought the kids to my parents. It was so nice to go out without having to travel first.
  
  Jo spent the night at a friend's house; Jack had an overnight at his normal daycare provider's place, and believe me he didn't miss us a bit. He was begging me for days to let him attend, and when I asked if I could go, too, he said: "No, it's my special party!"
  
  Glen and I hit a party for a bit, then went on to Vivo's, normally a quiet little bar that became a wall-to-wall DJ fest on New Year's Eve. I'm reminded how good looking and well dressed my local townspeople are. We even tried a few sips of Dom Perignon from our neighbor's glass; do most small-town Iowa bars have $130 bottles of champagne in stock?
  
  
• Lots of yoga - This year again I joined WoYoPracMo and have pledged to practice yoga every day in January. So far so good. I even tried yoga on the Wii Fit Glen gave me for Christmas and was labeled a yoga novice at tree pose. Bastard! Um, that applies to the machine, of course, not the person who gave it to me!
  
  
• Planning ahead at home - I actually planned our meals for the week and bought groceries to make them.
  
  
• Planning ahead for work - In some respects it seems a little crazy that someone on work overload would spend Jack's nap time today working, but lately I've felt like I've had my head down focused on the task right in front of me, never sure what I need to do next. After a couple hours spent organizing today, I have a good sense of what I need to tackle in the weeks ahead, and where I might need some help. Feels good.
  
  
• Wrapping up, looking ahead - Yesterday I took a couple hours to write in my journal, taking stock of 2008 and dreaming some dreams for 2009. This process always leaves me feeling so centered. I won't bore you with too much of my personal resolutioning, but I thought I'd share a couple other blog posts on New Year's resolutions that really spoke to me this year -- this on balance and this on fun.  
  
  
• Plenty of cuddling and blocks and play-dough and movies on the couch. Lots of: "I LOVE you, Mommy! We LOVE each other!" Makes everything else worth while, don't you think?

And now, Happy New Year from Jack. A little blurry, I know, but what Mommy lacks in photography skills, I'd say Jackie makes up for with enthusiasm, for sure.

The Crazies & the Funnies

Funny, when I started this blog about a year ago I planned to write primarily about how I keep my life in balance. Haha. Hahahahaha, that's a good one. I am not feeling particularly balanced at the moment. I am afflicted by a touch of the crazies and a smidge of the crabbies. I am working too much. I am stressing too much. I am getting hooked needlessly by too many little dramas. It's possible that Jack thinks my work laptop is just another one of Mommy's appendages, because it seems to be by my side most of the time these days.

Something's gotta give. This is not the first time I've written such a post, come back to this little touchstone and admitted that I'm feeling like a bit of a wreck. And that's always a good start, right? Admitting out loud that I'm OUT! OF! BALANCE! is usually the first step to getting back to where I want to be.

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Luckily Jack continues to keep me laughing. Even with the occasional moment of terrible two-ness, he is the light of my little life, and being around him reminds me I don't have lots of room to complain.

A few gems from this evening:

• I mentioned in a recent post that I often mis-hear song lyrics. Tonight I was singing Beyonce's Single Ladies (Glen's fault -- he downloaded it!) and soon Jack started singing back to me: "All the single babies, all the single babies..."
  
• When I asked him if he was enjoying his chocolate milk he responded: "Thumbs up!"
  
• When Jack uses his potty he sometimes gets a lollipop. Tonight's bedtime story showed a cartoon lion licking a lollipop, which perplexed poor Jack for obvious reasons: "The lion doesn't get a lollipop! He didn't weewee in the potty! He doesn't have a penis!"