Hugging the Midline

The Best

Our four-day New Year's weekend is winding down, and I'm feeling pretty much human again. This is a common theme of my blog, isn't it. First a post in which I stomp and pout and scream and beg to be delivered from my out-of-control existence. A bit more pouting...a bit more whining...and then soon the report that things are blissfully back in balance again.

I'm still not necessarily blissed out, but much better. Work is going to be busy for me over the next few months. I'm excited about the project I'm working on, and need to continue to find ways to give my best to my work without my family or my sanity suffering as a result.

Is that possible? I guess it's time to find out how much "best" I have within me.  

A few things I did this weekend to fill the well in anticipation of a demanding work week ahead of me:

• New Year's Eve date with my honey - This was our first night out without kids in Fairfield. We've had plenty of date nights, but since we don't have family in town, in the past we've always hit the road and brought the kids to my parents. It was so nice to go out without having to travel first.
  
  Jo spent the night at a friend's house; Jack had an overnight at his normal daycare provider's place, and believe me he didn't miss us a bit. He was begging me for days to let him attend, and when I asked if I could go, too, he said: "No, it's my special party!"
  
  Glen and I hit a party for a bit, then went on to Vivo's, normally a quiet little bar that became a wall-to-wall DJ fest on New Year's Eve. I'm reminded how good looking and well dressed my local townspeople are. We even tried a few sips of Dom Perignon from our neighbor's glass; do most small-town Iowa bars have $130 bottles of champagne in stock?
  
  
• Lots of yoga - This year again I joined WoYoPracMo and have pledged to practice yoga every day in January. So far so good. I even tried yoga on the Wii Fit Glen gave me for Christmas and was labeled a yoga novice at tree pose. Bastard! Um, that applies to the machine, of course, not the person who gave it to me!
  
  
• Planning ahead at home - I actually planned our meals for the week and bought groceries to make them.
  
  
• Planning ahead for work - In some respects it seems a little crazy that someone on work overload would spend Jack's nap time today working, but lately I've felt like I've had my head down focused on the task right in front of me, never sure what I need to do next. After a couple hours spent organizing today, I have a good sense of what I need to tackle in the weeks ahead, and where I might need some help. Feels good.
  
  
• Wrapping up, looking ahead - Yesterday I took a couple hours to write in my journal, taking stock of 2008 and dreaming some dreams for 2009. This process always leaves me feeling so centered. I won't bore you with too much of my personal resolutioning, but I thought I'd share a couple other blog posts on New Year's resolutions that really spoke to me this year -- this on balance and this on fun.  
  
  
• Plenty of cuddling and blocks and play-dough and movies on the couch. Lots of: "I LOVE you, Mommy! We LOVE each other!" Makes everything else worth while, don't you think?

And now, Happy New Year from Jack. A little blurry, I know, but what Mommy lacks in photography skills, I'd say Jackie makes up for with enthusiasm, for sure.

Ready to Crash

178. After six hours of incredible yoga over the last couple days and a late-night drive home, I'm grateful that my own bed awaits me tonight. 

Cloud Nine

176. I'm full to just about overflowing tonight with all kinds of gratitude for an amazing yoga teacher, Desiree Rumbaugh. After work this evening I took the first couple hours of a weekend anusara yoga workshop in Des Moines. I'm not really in my top yoga shape these days, so I was worried that tonight would kick my ass. But under Desiree's guidance, yoga (and life) start to feel so effortless, and I amaze myself by getting deeper into poses than I dreamed possible. That's all I'll say tonight; I imagine I'll be on cloud nine after a full day of it tomorrow.
     
     
177. Yummy take-out sushi and edamame, and the cute way sweet little Jack said: "Mommy eat sooo-shee? Mommy happy biwfday?" I think the chopsticks reminded him of birthday candles, one of his favorite topics these days.  

Private Lesson

Tonight the rest of my yoga classmates no-showed, which meant I got a private lesson. I groaned, teasing Joetta by feigning despair when she told me no one else was coming. I knew a one-on-one class meant I wouldn't get away with slacking for even a second. And I didn't. I worked really hard tonight, and 90 minutes passed in what felt more like 20.

Lately lots of things in my life are kind of pushing me to the next level, which is nice. I feel up to the challenge. I don't want my whole life to be an uphill climb, but I like to have a few areas that make me reach just past my comfort zone.

Then of course there's the yummy ooey-gooey melty feeling I experience after working so hard. I'm going to sleep well tonight. 

It Feels Like the First Time

Jack had his first haircut last night. Most little boys probably don't make it this close to two without a trim, but Jack's mama couldn't bear to cut his sweet little golden ringlets until his bangs were in his eyes and a little rat tail hung past his shoulderblades.

Glen cut his hair last night in the tub, with me supervising closely to make sure no more hair was taken than absolutely necessary; I've heard too many stories of first haircuts taking the last of the baby curls, never to be seen again.

Here's Jack post haircut, not much different, just a little neater, and I think the curls are actually curlier (#41). See why I couldn't stand to lose these precious curls?

Here's the curl I'm keeping for the baby book. I lack the photography skills and/or equipment to take good closeup shots. Instead of a lock of hair, this ended up looking like a little halo, which I think is (mostly) appropriate...

After the haircut, I was feeling a little wistful that Jack has already passed so many important firsts: first smile, first steps, first word, now first trim. Of course, it didn't take long to remember that there are so many firsts yet to come (#42): first day of shool, first time driving a car, all of the little boy and young adult and adult milestones still to come.

That made me remember all of the wonderful firsts I've experienced in the last few years (#43): meeting Glen for the first time and feeling like we were already friends since we corresponded for a while before we met in person; the sureness of sharing wedding vows; the happy surprise of finding out I was pregnant; the exhiliration of seeing Jack's face for the first time. Then there are the firsts that are less notable, but that help bring joy to everyday life: finally managing to kick my legs up against the wall in yoga class for my first handstand; my first time trying sushi and wishing I could have it for every meal for the rest of my life; the first time Glen dedicated a song to me on the radio; experiencing every little milestone along with Jack.

What are your most memorable firsts? 

Enjoy the Silence

In one of my first blog posts back in November, I wrote excitedly that my old Anusara yoga class was reforming. Well, holiday schedules intervened, and we didn't get going until last week. Tonight was the second week, and so far it has been just two students at the class in Joetta's walk-out basement.

Anusara is a style of yoga that really focuses on correct alignment; I love that focus, as I avoid the injuries I've incurred doing other types of yoga, and I manage to get into some amazingly deep stretches. Joetta is a stickler about alignment, especially tonight after she learned that my hip was feeling a little wonky after last week's class. And with only two students, I got the benefit of lots of personal attention.

Which meant 90 minutes of almost constant hands-on adjustments and reminders: Shins in, thighs out, hug your midline, puff your kidneys, tuck your tailbone, shoulders back, open your heart... And even though I've been studying Anusara yoga off and on for years now and I've heard those principles hundreds of times, sometimes I still feel like such a novice: Tuck my what? Puff my who? Hug ma whaaaaaa???

Humility. I get a healthy dose of it in almost every class. No one has ever described me as a natural athlete (well, there was the time I took a yoga class with several ladies twice my age; I was naturally the most flexible and they started calling me "Little Miss Twisty Body."), and it seems that I have to practice each principle about 125 times before I start to understand what it means. I guess many of the things I value most in life have been achieved through hard work and perseverance, and yoga is no exception. It sure feels liberating when on that 126th try I suddenly find myself deep in a pose I never thought was possible.

Yoga is high on the list of life-changing practices for me, and I'm grateful to have found it (#40). I love yoga because it gets me into these delicious stretches that ease out the kinks from way too much time in front of my computer. I love that yoga time means play time — experimenting with handstands and headstands and all kinds of crazy pretzel poses. It's some of the best exercise I've found, but it doesn't feel like exercise because it's so much fun. I love yoga because it slows me down, quiets my incessantly chattering mind, and connects me with the stillest part of myself.

At the end of every yoga class, we lie on our mats in Savasana, relaxation time to integrate everything we've learned in class. In Joetta's yoga space is an altar with a Buddha statue, candles, little sacred objects, and a fountain. Tonight during Savasana I noticed that the trickling fountain causes little bells to ring, a sweet almost imperceptible sound. After Savasana I asked Joetta if she'd had that fountain long, and she confirmed that she'd had it ever since we started yoga with her, and it's always on during class. I've been to maybe 30 or 40 yoga classes at her place, but tonight was the first time I heard that lovely, calming music — my hard-earned reward for slowing down and paying attention.

Resolution Redux

So far I've kept up my WoYoPracMo resolution to do yoga every day in January. It's often just ten lovely minutes of restorative poses before bed, but I've squeezed in a couple longer practices, too. I think I'm technically supposed to blog about my practice every day, but I'm not finding that very interesting. Just in case you were dying to know or anything.

Regarding my resolution to go a little bit more green in 2008, I decided my initial pledge to make one new environmentally friendly decision each month was kind of pansy-assed. The baby seals and spotted owls could all be long dead by the time I make my twelfth change a year from now. Plus, now that I've made the pledge to be more environmentally conscious, I find that it's top of mind and naturally affects all of my decision making. So I decided to up the ante and instead make 12 new eco-friendly decisions this month instead of spreading them out over the course of the year. Hopefully I'll make those 12 changes permanent and then keep adding new ones.

I already wrote about green change #1, reducing the number of unwanted catalogs we receive at home. Today I also sent a couple e-mails at work to get off of mailing lists for newsletters and conference brochures I don't want.

Over the weekend I made a couple more changes. Green change #2 was to start using reusable bags for grocery shopping. I have a collection of canvas bags and was religious about using them when I lived in Des Moines. Somehow since moving to Fairfield that habit has changed and I keep forgetting to use the canvas bags. That's another change that is so easy if I just get into the habit of using them. So I've moved the canvas bags to the same hook where I keep my purse so I don't have an excuse to forget them.

I also spent about $7 on a cute little reusable bag that attaches to my key chain, so I have it with me when I decide to run by the store for a couple things. My last two trips to the store = no disposable plastic bags.

Green change #3 was to use reusable packaging for the white elephant gift exchange with Glen's family over the weekend. My package is the cute little bright blue box. I noticed a couple other people also used reusable packaging.

Green change #4 was declining receipts at both the ATM and the gas station.

These are all such junior-varsity level changes that I almost hesitate to make a big show of giving myself credit for them. I know some of you take more significant environmentally friendly actions in your own lives. But over the course of the year my easy little actions could save a tree or two. And if I inspire a couple more people to rethink some of their everyday actions and make simple changes in their lives, then I've done some good.

Back to Work!

A few updates and random thoughts:

• Glen and I were both back to work today after the holidays, Jo's mom came to pick her up this morning, and Jack went to daycare. It's kind of nice to be back to our routine.



• Jack has become the king of the 24-hour illness. Yesterday he ran a temp of about 102, then was clingy all day and up half the night. We finally brought him in bed with us at about 2 a.m. Even though we have a king-sized bed and put him right in the middle on his own pillow, he would much rather share a pillow with mama, or I should say, he'd much rather lie sideways across mama's pillow while she clings to the side of the bed, which is how I found us arranged when I woke up this morning. He slept in a bit, but when he woke he didn't have a temp and seemed just fine, so we sent him to daycare. When I called Amy to check on him, she said he was playing great and not giving any indiciation that he was sick last night. I'm thrilled that he hasn't had any significant illnesses this winter, just a couple 24-hour fevers and one bout of pink eye. I'm not sure if it's the elimination of dairy, the chiropractic treatments, the homeopathic meds, or just luck. But it's such a glorious change from last winter that we aren't in and out of the doctor's office and pharmacist's line a couple times a week. (#35)



• It can be maddening when you really, really want a good night's sleep and baby isn't cooperating. But last night I tried to appreciate the quiet middle-of-the-night time with him. There's nothing much more perfect than the warmth and weight of a sleepy baby in my arms, his little knees drawn up to his chest and his head snuggled against my neck. These days he's right at that launching off point between baby and little boy, and I want to appreciate any mama/baby time while I can get it.



• I still can't decide who I'm going to caucus for in less than 24 hours now, still flip-flopping between Obama and Edwards a couple times daily. I'm trying not to agonize over the decision, but Glen will be the first to tell you that I'm occasionally agonizing anyway, and he's had to ask me more than once if I can stop talking about it for two seconds. I may leave it up to the Magic 8 Ball. Or I haven't completely ruled out the idea of standing over in the Kucinich corner by myself to avoid having to decide.



• It's a good thing ten minutes counts as a WoYoPracMo practice, because for the second day, that's again all I managed to squeeze in. Even those ten minutes felt great and really worked the kinks out. I only did seated poses tonight because I was too frigging cold to take my socks off.



• Today is my Grandma Norma's 80th birthday. Here's me (could my hood be any tighter?) and Grandma looking pretty foxy in her 40's — it gives me hope to know I'm descended from the same gene pool.

Ours is Bigger Than Yours

Too bad having a big carbon footprint isn't anything to brag about. We live in a 108 year-old 2,200 square-foot drafty Victorian that is relatively expensive to heat, and when we recently reviewed our budget, we realized that our biggest monthly expenditure comes from filling our cars with gas. Some of these things are unavoidable for now: our house in Fairfield is mid-way between Glen's daughter Jo 90 minutes in one direction and my weekly work commute about two hours in the other direction.

We do some of the basics: recycling, buying those energy-saving curly lightbulbs, and avoiding the use of chemicals on our lawn. But I know there's much more we could do. So for 2008 I want to commit myself to doing one new thing each month to become a better steward of the environment. And nothing helps me keep a promise like sharing it with the Internet! I'd ideally like to make more than one new environmentally-aware choice each month, but I know I can stick to 12 changes this year; anything else will be extra credit.

I haven't discussed this with Glen (hi, honey!), but I know he'll be on board as long as I stick to a couple ground rules: any changes we make have to be relatively easy and relatively cheap — this won't be the year we go vegetarian (although we've both been veg-heads in the past), trade our cars in for hybrids, or invest in composting toilets (yes, there is such a thing). We're only planning to live in our house for about another three years, so we don't want to make too many more major investments unless they would pay us back; when we insulated our house soon after moving in, we made up that cost in less than a year through rebates and reduced heating bills.

I know there are plenty of smaller things I can do if I just put a little extra thought into my everyday choices. I've already made my change for January — a super easy one that anyone could do in a few seconds — by signing up for Catalog Choice, a website that lets you opt out of catalogs you don't want to receive. According to their website, 19 billion catalogs are mailed to American consumers each year; I think about half of those must be the Pottery Barn and Restoration Hardware catalogs that the poor mailman lugs to our house every week, wasting paper and encouraging me to spend money on things I don't need. No more 250-page catalogs featuring $5,000 bathroom vanities in our mailbox!

If you have ideas for me, I'd love to hear them. Or if you'd like to join me in this little adventure, let me know.

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I signed up for WoYoPracMo, a challenge to practice yoga every day in January and record it on my blog. Doing at least 10 minutes a day counts. I got a couple great John Friend (the founder of Anusara yoga) DVDs for Christmas, and doing part of one this morning was a great way to kick-start the month, and the new year.

An Offering

My Grandma Jo's funeral is today. Since I won't be there in person, I decided to dedicate my yoga practice to her this morning, an idea I got from some of the yoga blogs I've been reading. It was nice. I thought of Grandma, hoping she's happy, at peace, and in the presence of the many loved ones who went before her. I also sent some love out to my mom and her siblings, my sister Mia who is a very sensitive soul, and everyone else who's either at the funeral today or grieving on their own. It's a small offering, but I hope a little bit of the love I send reaches someone who needs it today.